Sessions XVIII & XIXish: Floyd' Puppet Theatre Interpretation

The Order of the Abbey, Part Four: Dealin’ with Doogal
Act I

Curtain up on the outskirts of Scar Canyon, a large ravine just south of the Shield Splitter Inn. Noises off precede the entrances of BRIX, GUY, and CHRIS TENNISON, followed by a terse VIRGIL, from left. They trudge on a bit before VIRGIL stops suddenly.

VIRGIL: Lo! I have traveled these lands for almost a year now, and the only time I came across a horse, I had to steal it! Every stable, farm, city, tavern, inn, and charming bodega we have stopped at have been fresh out of steeds, mounts, and anything else with hooves or wings that are available for riding. Finally, when we fight the biggest battle of our lives only to watch a key villain escape on what turns out to be his own personal black riding DRAGON, some wet-behind-the-ears RANGER shows up with his very own mule and wagon!
CHRIS TENNISON: Hey Virgil, aren’t you a ranger, too?
VIRGIL: SONOFABITCHMOTHERFUCKERDAMMIT!

The group continues on, wearily exiting right, followed by OAK driving his mule and wagon, with LIAM and FLOYD sitting in the back of the wagon. LIAM is picking at a lute, and FLOYD is playing is pipe. After a few bars of instrumental music, FLOYD sings:

FLOYD:
Sings:
A horse is a horse
Of course, of course
But no one can purchase a horse
Of course
Unless the broker that deals that horse
Is named Doogal!

So find you a man by the name
Of Ga-ruth
You can hang out in inns or
Hire a slueth
He works for Doogal and he is a man
Who knows of the truth!

And so if you’re tired
Of travel on foot
Your boots are all muddy
And covered in soot
Ask Ga-ruth why Doogal would want every horse
If not for the loot!

Instrumental break

LIAM: A horse is a horse
FLOYD: Of course, of course
LIAM: But no one can purchase a horse
FLOYD: Of course
LIAM: Unless the broker who deals that horse
FLOYD & LIAM: Is named Doogal!

Button. VIRGIL re-enters from right. He approaches the wagon, takes LIAM’s lute, and smashes it to pieces. FLOYD quickly makes his pipe disappear. He turns to the audience.

FLOYD: Hi folks, Floyd Fiftynames here, riding in style across the plains of the old Twilight Lands. We’re headed up north to Scar Canyon to find the handle of Svarth, the second piece of a weapon that Brixmore’s in possession of. With the upcoming confrontation we’re bound to have with the Harvester looming, we figured we should try to get our weapons and gear up to speed. Oak had heard tales of this place that coincided with legends and rumors that Brixmore heard, so here we are.
OAK: Here we are!
FLOYD: I just said that.

The wagon pulls up to the edge of the canyon, where BRIX, CHRIS TENNISON, and GUY are waiting. FLOYD, LIAM, and OAK hop off of the wagon, and VIRGIL follows. CHRIS TENNISON is reading a brochure with a picture of the canyon on it.

BRIXMORE: Scar Canyon.
CHRIS TENNISON: Says here that Scar Canyon is the Canyon-iest place on earth!
GUY: What does that mean?

CHRIS TENNISON shrugs.

OAK: Shall we descend?

OAK starts down the canyon, followed by LIAM, and soon after, BRIXMORE, GUY and CHRIS TENNISON, still reading the brochure. As FLOYD starts down, VIRGIL watches him go, then reaches into his backpack and pulls out a label.

VIRGIL: Heh-heh-hee!

VIRGIL slaps the label on the upstage side of the mule (so we can’t see it). Suddenly, FLOYD pops back up.

FLOYD: Virgil!
VIRGIL: Hm? What?
FLOYD: You coming or what?
VIRGIL: Yeah, yeah… I’m on my way.
FLOYD: Good. Chris Tennison’s reading some more boring shit from that brochure!

FLOYD disappears down the canyon. VIRGIL follows.

A-STAGE closes. B-STAGE opens up to reveal a crevice in the canyon. The bones of a dead ADVENTURER lay impaled on a jagged rock, its clothes torn to rags, some of its gear scattered about. OAK, LIAM, GUY, BRIX, and CHRIS TENNISON enter.

CHRIS TENNISON: (reading) …taking over one thousand orc day laborers nearly eight months to dig the trenches. Wow!

FLOYD enters, followed by VIRGIL.

GUY: Hey, Virgil. What took you so long?
VIRGIL: Nothing… the sunset was magnificent… it’s eleven a.m., …. what took you so long? Shut up!
LIAM: Whoa there!

LIAM stops short in front of the skeleton.

CHRIS TENNISON: Cool! An animatronic skeleton! Maybe it can tell us about the mysteries of Scar Canyon!
GUY: Shut up. Search that corpse’s things.

VIRGIL and LIAM go through the ADVENTURER’s backpack. FLOYD rifles through its pockets, finds a platinum pieces, surreptitiously slips it into his hat. LIAM comes up with a note.

LIAM: Bingo! Correspondence.
GUY: What does it say?
LIAM: “Dear Expendable Adventurer, your job is discover the secret of Scar Canyon-“
CHRIS TENNISON: -Cool!-
LIAM: “-watch your step, those jagged rocks are mighty sharp.”
BRIX: The poor, illiterate bastard.
GUY: Is it signed?
LIAM: Yep – “Sincerely, Doogal.”

CHORD.

GUY: Again? Boy, we’re gonna have to meet Doogal one of these days.
VIRGIL: Does he say anything about horses in there?
GUY: Why would he say anything about –
LIAM: As a matter of fact, he does. “P.s., it is extremely important that you discover the secret of Scar Canyon because all of the horses I was buying died of the pestilence due to the wretched, filthy conditions I kept them in. Ah, well. C’est la vie, so say the D.” I assume the “D” is for Doogal.

CHORD. VIRGIL drops to his knees and shouts to the sky.

VIRGIL: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Rumble from above.

OAK: Please tell me you just started an avalanche.

Tiny rocks begin to fall from above. They slowly get bigger.

BRIX: Run!

Exeunt!

B-STAGE closes. A-STAGE opens to reveal the base of the canyon. Seven TROGLODYTES surround an idol, worshipping it.

TROGS: Malrotic, Malrotic, Malrotic…

BRIX, VIRGIL, GUY, CHRIS TENNISON, LIAM, and OAK enter, unseen by the TROGLODYTES.

OAK: Phew! That was close.
VIRGIL: Shh! That’s Draconic!
LIAM: The language?
VIRGIL: No, the cologne. Yes, the language!
OAK: I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to my friend like that.
VIRGIL: And I’d appreciate it if you’d get off my back, you mule-hoarding son of a bitch!

The TROGS stop chanting, and turn and look at the assembled party.

That last part was a little loud, wasn’t it?

GUY: You might say that.
BRIX: Has anyone seen Floyd?

The TROGS grab spears and clubs.

CHRIS TENNISON: Beans!
LIAM: Run!

But it is too late. A fight breaks out between the party and the TROGS.

B-STAGE opens on a room filled with loot and a sleeping hydra. FLOYD enters.

FLOYD: (whispers) Sweet.

FLOYD begins scooping up treasure into his hat. On the other side of the stage, the others have defeated the TROGLODYTES. They cheer and exit. A-STAGE closes. From off, we hear:

CHRIS TENNISON: Floyd! Hey, there he is!

FLOYD’s eyes bug out. He rushes to the door as CHRIS TENNISON enters.

Floyd, we beat down a bunch of troglodytes! Where were you?

The HYDRA awakes.

Oh. There wasn’t anything about that in the brochure.

FLOYD: I wrote the brochure.
CHRIS TENNISON: What? But I found it at the edge of Scar Canyon.
FLOYD: I know. I snuck ahead the night before and placed it there. I haven’t slept in two days.
CHRIS TENNISON: Touche.

GUY, BRIX, VIRGIL, LIAM, and OAK enter behind CHRIS TENNISON.

BRIX: A hydra!

The party fights the HYDRA. GUY chops off one of its heads.

OAK: You might not want to do that!
GUY: Why not?

The HYDRA grows back two heads where the one was chopped off.

OAK: Does that answer your question?

More fighting. At last, the HYDRA is felled.

BRIX: Nice pile of loot you happened upon here, Floyd.
FLOYD: Only the best to share with my party! (to himself) Dirty moochers.

The gang begins to grab up gold and treasure. As they do so, BRIX discovers a secret door.

BRIX: Cool! Secret door!

GUY, BRIX, and LIAM moves the stone in front of the door.

VIRGIL: It’s a tunnel (sniffs) and by the smell of it, it’s been sealed up for a very long time.
BRIX: Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go exploring!

The group exits into the tunnel. B-STAGE closes.

A-STAGE opens, revealing a massive chamber chock FULL of goodies. A massive hydra skeleton with sixty heads rests on top. A carving on the wall in a strange language spans the back of the stage. The party enters, and stops short as they behold the treasure.

GUY: Hell, yes! Jackpot!
CHRIS TENNISON: Whoo-hoo!
FLOYD: Payday!

The party runs around, looking at items. FLOYD and CHRIS TENNISON stop as FLOYD pulls a pair of boots, a hat, and a pair of gloves out of the pile.

Nifty!

FLOYD tries on the hat.

CHRIS TENNISON: Feel any different?
FLOYD: I do, Chris Tennison. A little older, a little wiser.
CHRIS TENNISON: Good for you.
FLOYD: Yeah. Pull my finger.

CHRIS TENNISON pulls FLOYD’s finger. FLOYD farts, and the two laugh like idiots. Meanwhile, BRIX and LIAM encounter an impressive looking handle.

BRIX: Here it is! The handle of Svarth!
LIAM: What does it do?
BRIX: On its own, nothing, but when I combine it with the hammer…

BRIX puts the hammer and handle together. Musical Chord.

SVARTH: Behold Svarth!
BRIX: Oh, yeah!

GUY and VIRGIL approach the writing on the wall.

GUY: This makes my head hurt.
VIRGIL: Of course it does. It’s the written word.
GUY: Shut up. What does it say?
VIRGIL: Comprehend Languages!

VIRGIL casts.

Hmm… it appears to be Illithid in nature. It reads, “Lord of the 6th Circle of Cthon.”
GUY: That sounds ominous as shit.
VIRGIL: Yeah, it do.

FLOYD puts on the boots.

FLOYD: Hmm…

FLOYD clicks his heels. Instantly he is transported 40 feet across the room.

Titties!
BRIX: Floyd, that looks a might dangerous.
FLOYD: Yes, it does. I promise I’ll only use these in an extreme emergency.
BRIX: That’s not what I meant. Maybe you should not be wearing those.
FLOYD: But… these boots are extremely fly, are they not?
BRIX: Well, yeah, but…
FLOYD: Then it’s settled! I keep the boots!
BRIX: Oh, brother.

OAK stops what he is doing.

OAK: Shh! I hear something!

CHRIS TENNISON: Of course. Proclaimer forbid we should enjoy our payout.

EVERYONE hides. BROTHER ELLIOTT enters accompanied by twelve green-skinned HUMANOIDS.

ELLIOTT: There. Tell your master my debt is paid in full. There is enough money down here to finance whatever wars you wish to begin.

VIRGIL pops up from his hiding spot.

VIRGIL: Elliott?

ELLIOTT is surprised to see VIRGIL, to say the least.

ELLIOTT: Oh! Hello, Virgil.
VIRGIL: What the hell are you doing here
ELLIOTT: I was about to ask you the same thing.
VIRGIL: You first.
ELLIOTT: I just came to get my treasure.
VIRGIL: Your treasure?

GUY reveals himself.

GUY: Yeah, I hate to break it to you, Elliott…
ELLIOTT: Oh, good, there are more of you…
GUY: But this is our treasure now.
ELLIOTT: My dear boy. Are you suggesting that you’d be willing to fight for it?
GUY: You’re damn right we are, and…

OAK and LIAM rush up to GUY and pull him back.

OAK: Pay no attention to him. He’s a little hard-headed about these things.
ELLIOTT: I know.
VIRGIL: On the other hand, we did defeat the hydra in the last room, so I think we’re entitled to a cut, at least.
ELLIOTT: Do you, now?

FLOYD and CHRIS TENNISON come out of hiding.

FLOYD: Elliott, come on. Be reasonable.
ELLIOTT: Is that you talking, or the hat?
FLOYD: What do you know about the hat?
ELLIOTT: It makes a gnome wiser just for wearing it.
FLOYD: Oh. Then you should really listen to me.
ELLIOTT: I suppose. Fine. Take what you can carry and get out. The rest is mine.
VIRGIL: You can offer us a better deal than that –

ELLIOTT’s eyes begin to glow with the power of his magic.

ELLIOTT: Do not test me. Grab what you can and go. Now.

FLOYD turns to the audience.

FLOYD: And that’s what we did. Sure, it was hard giving up that treasure, but it would’ve been a lot harder than trying to get it all out of there with no legs.

Treasure cavern flies out and is replaced by the outskirts of the canyon. OAK’s mule and wagon are now loaded up with stuff.

OAK: Well, that’s as much money as I can carry.
GUY: Yeah, and we got some good stuff, too. I got these boots to make me faster. Floyd, you got the hat, those teleporting boots, and those gloves.
VIRGIL: I got some magic arrows.
BRIX: And I have Svarth.
VIRGIL: Yep. So you guys take your wagon full of gold, and I’ll take the mule, and we’ll call it a day.
OAK: Excuse me – what?
VIRGIL: You take your wagon full of the gold we found for you, and I will take the mule, and we can call it even.
OAK: I don’t think so. That’s my mule.
VIRGIL: That’s not what his label says.
OAK: What are you talking about?

OAK turns the mule around. There is a big label on it that says “Property of Virgil.”

Aw, man!
VIRGIL: You can’t dispute the authority of the label.
FLOYD: He’s got you there.
BRIX: No, he doesn’t! Virgil, that mule does not belong to you.
VIRGIL: Who’s side are you on, Brix?
BRIX: I’m on the side of the one true God, Virgil.
VIRGIL: That guy is always harshing my gig!
GUY: Let it go, Virgil.
VIRGIL: Fine. But I tell you this now – someday, as your one true God is my witness, I will get a mode of transportation!
FLOYD: (to the audience) And he did, too, but that’s a story for another time.
CHRIS TENNISON: Bye, Oak! Bye, Liam!
OAK: See you guys around!

OAK and LIAM hop in their wagon and ride off.

GUY: Well, where to now?
VIRGIL: Somewhere within walking distance, I guess.
BRIX: You know, seeing Elliott got me to thinking – shouldn’t we check out the Tower of the Broken Moon? Virgil, he told you the Eye of Toth was still in there.
FLOYD: Yeah, probably in that Necromancers tower at the top.
GUY: What Necromancer’s tower at the top?
FLOYD: While you guys were fighting that big ass zombie, remember?
VIRGIL: You told us there was nothing up there!
FLOYD: I told you nothing of value was up there.
GUY: What do you think the Eye of Toth is, Floyd?
FLOYD: A big, gross, evil eye?
GUY: And that’s not valuable?
FLOYD: Do you know anyone who will give you money for it? Do you?
BRIX: I think you’re misinterpreting the idea of value, Floyd.
FLOYD: Yeah. I’m the one misinterpreting it.
GUY: Let’s go.

The party exits, except for FLOYD.

FLOYD: So, it was off to the Tower of the Broken Moon again, just on the outskirts of Dreia. You’re gonna have to trust me when I tell you nothing interesting happened when we went to get the Eye. However, since we went to the trouble of building a Necromancer’s Tower set…

B-STAGE opens. VIRGIL and CHRIS TENNISON are in the Necromancer’s chamber in the Tower of the Broken Moon from Part II, Act II. VIRGIL holds the Eye of Toth, a black, pulsating sphere, aloft.

CHRIS TENNISON: Cool! The Eye of Toth!

B-STAGE closes.

FLOYD: There. Happy? Anyway, things only got interesting once we took the Eye to Garam’s house.

Plains fly out. Interior of GARAM’s house flies in. GARAM sits in his chair; SALLY stands next to him. VIRGIL, BRIX, CHRIS TENNISON, and GUY are presenting the Eye of Toth to GARAM. FLOYD joins them.

GARAM: The Eye of Toth, huh?
BRIX: You betcha.

GARAM takes the Eye, looks at it, then passes it to SALLY.

GARAM: Here, Sally, take a… look.
VIRGIL: Ooh! Faux Pas!

SALLY takes the Eye and sticks it in her empty eye socket. Suddenly, a second all-black eye regenerates in her head.

GARAM: Uh-oh.
SALLY: Hey, I can see!
GUY: Son of a –
BRIX: That doesn’t look good!
GUY: Detect Evil!
FLOYD (to the audience) Remember how Guy can detect evil auras? I know, I know, it’s a long puppet show.
GUY: Well, she doesn’t seem to be evil… but the Eye sure as shit is.
SALLY: What? Shut up? No, you are!
BRIX: Sally? Who are you talking to?
SALLY: The Eye.
GUY: The Eye is talking to you?
GARAM: What does it say?
SALLY: It says to avoid The Horned King, The Harvester…
CHRIS TENNISON: Well, duh.
SALLY: … the man in the black cloak, and the red-skin man who lives with Zarin.
VIRGIL: Hold the fuck. I don’t know who those last two people are.
FLOYD: Can the Eye elaborate?
SALLY: Sorry. That’s all it will say.
BRIX: Avoid The Horned King…
VIRGIL: From the Wild Hunt. Remember?
BRIX: The Harvester…
GUY: No problem there, at least for a while.
BRIX: The man in the black cloak, and the red-skin man who lives with Zarin. Linus?
GUY: Who’s Linus?
BRIX: When we were prisoners in the Cathedral in Compassgate, Zarin said his name was Linus. Is that the red-skin man?
FLOYD: Oof. So many questions.
VIRGIL: Yeah. Can we talk about this further over a drink?
GUY: Sounds good. See you around, Garam.
GARAM: So wait, what? You’re just going to leave me alone with the black-eyed pea, here?
GUY: Dude, she’s not evil.
CHRIS TENNISON: Yeah, Garam. Lighten up. You’re a big boy… hm. No, that doesn’t sound right. You’re a grown mah… no, no. You’re an adult.
VIRGIL: If she starts acting up, just fireball her evil ass.
SALLY: Hey!
VIRGIL: Sorry, kid. Them’s the breaks when you wear the Eye of Toth.

The party exits. GARAM’s house flies out, and the exterior of the Jolly Badger Inn in Dreia flies in. The party enters.

BRIX: Times to get me some drunk!

BRIX and GUY enter the tavern. As they open the door, we hear:

SINGER:
Sings:
Unless your sword’s for piercing
In which case
You’re shit out of luck.

The door shuts.

FLOYD: Hey.
CHRIS TENNISON: Hey, I love that song!

CHRIS TENNISON enters the bar. FLOYD and VIRGIL follow. As they do, the exterior wall of the Badger flies out, revealing the interior. On stage, a GNOME is singing.

MITCHELL:
Sings:
Kukris, sickles, and greataxes
They all can have some fun –
But if you’re the sap who’s carrying a sap
Then you’re going to have none!

MITCHELL continues singing, under. Spoken:

FLOYD: Well, well, well! A cover! That’s a sign that you’ve made it big!
GUY: What are you talking about? A cover of what?
FLOYD: Seriously?

GUY shrugs.

Guy, that’s my song, “Zombie Shit That I Can’t Hit!” This guy is playing my song – that’s a big deal! It means I’m a famous songwriter!
GUY: You wrote this song?
FLOYD: Don’t you remember? I sang it the first time we fought those zombies at the Tower of the Broken Moon?
GUY: Floyd, I have a confession to make. When you sing, I tend to black out and go somewhere I call my “happy place.” It’s a place where I can chop fat, dandy gnomes like you into chum. I really love it there.

GUY walks away. MITCHELL finishes the song.

MITCHELL
Sings:
You’re shit out of luck!

Button. Spoken:

Thank you, thank you! That was “Zombie Shit That I Can’t Hit,” an original composition by me, Mitchell, Licensed Bard!
FLOYD: Who the what?
MITCHELL: I’m gonna take a short break now, but I’ll be back shortly with another one of the songs I totally wrote by myself and didn’t steal from anyone, “Take a Potion Why Don’tcha?”

Light applause as MITCHELL walks offstage and exits the inn. The exterior of the Badger flies in. MITCHELL stands outside, and lights his pipe. FLOYD enters.

FLOYD: Hey, I really enjoyed that last song.
MITCHELL: Thanks. I totally wrote it.
FLOYD: I bet I’m gonna enjoy the next one even more.
MITCHELL: Yeah?
FLOYD: Yeah.
MITCHELL: Really?
FLOYD: Really.
MITCHELL: What makes you say that?
FLOYD: Well, as it turns out, it’s because I WROTE BOTH OF THEM!

Pause.

MITCHELL: You’re crazy.
FLOYD: You sir, are a degenerate song thief!
MITCHELL: Prove it!
FLOYD: Oh, I’ll prove it, all right! Let’s break this down, musical dialogue style!
Sings:
You’re a song thief, Mitchell!
MITCHELL:
Am not!
FLOYD:Yes you are, yes you are you’re a
Dirty
Song thief
And I’ll prove it to you.
MITCHELL:Prove it!
FLOYD:
Pick a title, any title in your
Dirty, thieving song book,
And I’ll up and sing it to you!
MITCHELL:Fine!
FLOYD:Fine!
MITCHELL:
Yeah, you heard me, that’s fine!
I’m gonna pick,
Gonna pick a song title right now!
FLOYD:I’m standing here waiting!
MITCHELL:
I see that you are!
Relax, take a pill –
Let’s see if you know the lyrics
To “Fuck the Old Mill!”
FLOYD:
Fuck the Old Mill,
Fuck the Old Mill,
Fuck the Old Mill It’s HAUNTED –
MITCHELL:Okay, never mind,
I can see that you know the easy ones.
Everyone knows “Fuck the Old Mill,”
It’s my most famous song!
FLOYD:
MY most famous song!
MITCHELL:
Yeah,
You Keep saying that
But I don’t see you proving it!
FLOYD:Name another song,
God-damn you.
MITCHELL:
When I was a lad,
I ran afoul of a constable,
His name was Drooley,
And of him I once wrote –
FLOYD:
They call him Sheriff Drooley,
That buffoon Sheriff Drooley,
The idiot of Verl’s Crook and beyond –
MITCHELL:
See! Just goes to show
How wrong,
I said how wrong you really are!
FLOYD:
What
The
Fuck
Are you talking about?
MITCHELL:
Sheriff Drooley,
He’s a Marshall now!
He’s the Lord Marshall of
The city of Compassgate!
FLOYD:
Come over here
I want to smack you
In the mouth.
MITCHELL:
No!
FLOYD:
Simultaneous with MITCHELL, below:
You’re a song thief!
A dirty, filthy plagiarist!
And I’m gonna kill you!
Gonna grind your bones
With my teeth!

I’m gonna kill you in half!
Gonna take my rapier out
And stab, stab, stab!
Then I’m gonna take my fist
And punch you in the mouth!

MITCHELL:
Simultaneous with FLOYD, above:
This young gnome
has clearly gone mad!
'Tis truly a pity
Look at all
the potential that he had!

He's got granderous delusions!
he thinks he's a mighty fellow!
But I'm about to prove to him
gonna show him the power
of Code Duelo!
Button. Spoken:

FLOYD: Duelo?
MITCHELL: Surely, you’ve heard of Code Duelo. What kind of bard hasn’t?
FLOYD: I’m… still a wandering minstrel.
MITCHEL (delighted) Oh, that is CUTE!

GUY, VIRGIL, BRIX, and CHRIS TENNISON come outside.

CHRIS TENNISON: Hey, Mitchell, come back inside and play some more of those awesome songs.
MITCHELL: In a minute. First, I have to teach this milksop a lesson!
CHRIS TENNISON: Floyd?
GUY: Floyd Fiftynames. What did you do to this man?
FLOYD: This sumbitch stole my songs. He’s not getting away with it.
BRIX: Anyone want some popcorn?
VIRGIL: Ooh, me!

BRIX exits back into the bar.

FLOYD: So how does this work?
MITCHELL: Stand back to back with me.
FLOYD: (as he does) Okay…
MITCHELL: Then we take five paces, turn, and attack.
FLOYD: Sounds good.

FLOYD starts to walk.

One…

MITCHELL turns around and casts.

MITCHELL: Boom!

An energy blast knocks FLOYD over, unconscious. BRIX enters with popcorn, sees what has transpired.

BRIX: Aw, dag! Every time there’s supposed to be really good fight, it ends up being over early.

MITCHELL stands over FLOYD’s body.

MITCHELL: According to Code Duelo, I now get to choose one item from the person of the individual I have defeated. Bear witness.
VIRGIL: Now, hold the fuck on. Beating that gnome senseless by cheating is one thing, but stealing his stuff? That I can’t condone.
MITCHELL: You plan to stop me?
GUY: We all do.

GUY draws his axe. BRIX pulls out SVARTH. CHRIS TENNISON shrugs.

MITCHELL: Fine. Tell your little friend when he wakes up that due to this injustice I will see that he is forever barred from being a bard! (thinks that last sentence over) Yes, that’s right.

MITCHELL exits back into the bar.

GUY: Licensed bard? They can give you a license for what those two do?

END OF ACT I