Sessions 2 & 3: Floyd's Puppet Theatre Version

The Order of the Abbey, Part One: Humble Beginnings and Grim Portentions
A Puppet Show
Act II

We are in Verl’s Crook. The curtain opens on VIRGIL, GUY, and BRIX in tableau. A WOMAN lies dead in the street. FLOYD enters.

FLOYD: When last we left our young heroes, they were smack-dab in the middle of a murder investigation in a small town about half a day’s ride from the Morningstar Abbey in northern Arimathea. To recap:

Sings:

Verl’s Crook is a little town,
Not much excitement, one might think –
But a mystery is on the rise,
It’s a grisly local killing
And it seems to be instilling
A sense of duty that is filling
Four young boys in Verl’s Crook.

Spoken:

Anyway, Guy has a plan, or something. Let’s listen.

The tableau unfreezes.

GUY: Brix, come with me to the tavern – we’re gonna search this woman’s room for clues. Virgil, take the body to the church to be buried. Floyd –
FLOYD: Who made you boss?
GUY: - keep Druley out of our way.
FLOYD: All right.
BRIX: Let’s go.

BRIX and GUY exit left. FLOYD exits right. VIRGIL picks up the body, as a sinister looking fellow enters. This is TOLGAS.

TOLGAS: What are you doing?
VIRGIL: I’m taking this body to the church so she can be buried.
TOLGAS: Murdered, huh? Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’m just her boss, with whom she has a terse relationship. Name’s Tolgas.
VIRGIL: I’m Virgil. I’d shake your hand, but it’s full of the corpse of your employee.
TOLGAS: What are you implying?
VIRGIL: What?
TOLGAS: Your mom.
VIRGIL: Look, I’m gonna go now, okay?
TOLGAS: Okay, but stay away from my house, which certainly doesn’t contain an owlbear training den.
VIRGIL: Fine.

TOLGAS exits.

Wait. Aw, crumbs.

VIRGIL exits quickly. The rest of the town flies out as the sheriff’s office turns to reveal the interior. FLOYD and DRULEY are inside.

FLOYD: So this is a real sheriff’s office, huh?
DRULEY: Yeah. This is my badge.
FLOYD: Ooh. Shiny.
DRULEY: You wanna drink?
FLOYD: No thanks. Why don’t you care about crime?
DRULEY: Ummm…

For lack of a better response, DRULEY takes a long swig from his jug, groans, and passes out.

FLOYD: Touche.

VIRGIL enters.

VIRGIL: Floyd! I think I found a pretty interesting suspect in the murder case. Whoa. What happened to Druley?
FLOYD: Smells like rotgut to me.
VIRGIL: This town needs a wake-up call. You wanna beat this guy savagely, then pin it on the murderers?
FLOYD: That… is… a… fantastic idea!

FLOYD and VIRGIL beat up DRULEY. The sheriff’s office flies out as the interior of the tavern flies in. GUY and BRIX are there with MAGGIE, the tavern owner. Another customer drinks alone at a table.

BRIX: So that’s the best you got, eh, Mags?
MAGGIE: Yep. I’m the owner of this tavern, and I didn’t see nothin’ suspicious, aside from her spending lots of time with a mysterious stranger who just come to town.
BRIX: Mysterious stranger, you say? And where might we find this stranger?
MAGGIE: Why, he’s right over there.

She indicates the customer drinking.

Well, I’m going back in the kitchen now. You boys have fun on your detective game.

MAGGIE exits. GUY and BRIX cross over to the customer, whose name is GRUTH.

GUY: Hi there, stranger.
GRUTH: Hi there, boys! My name’s Gruth, and I’m in a good mood today.
BRIX: Why’s that?
GRUTH: Just got paid for doin’ a job. A secret job.
GUY: Really? Wanna tell us about it?
GRUTH: Sure! Drinks for everyone!

MAGGIE brings GUY and BRIX drinks.

GUY: So what’s this job?
GRUTH: Well, let’s just say I *strangled* a *woman* in the *street.*
BRIX: You strangled and killed that woman in the street?
GRUTH: You guys got that from what I said?
BRIX: Pretty much.
GRUTH: Hmm. I’m still getting the hang of innuendo.
GUY: You say you got paid for it. What’s that all about?
GRUTH: Well, you don’t kill someone for free, boys.
GUY: So who paid you?
GRUTH: Well, let’s just say it was TOL – ah! Ha, ha! You almost got me there.
BRIX: We sure did.
GRUTH: You know what they say. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, now you’re just being a douche.

VIRGIL and FLOYD enter.

FLOYD: Hi, guys!
BRIX: Floyd, Virgil, come have a drink with our new friend Gruth.
GUY: He just got *paid*to *murder* a *woman*.
GRUTH: Is that how it’s gonna be?
VIRGIL: Hey, look at my club!

VIRGIL clubs GRUTH.

Night-night.
GUY: Virgil! We still don’t know who paid him to commit the murder!
BRIX: All we know is it’s Tol-something.
VIRGIL: Tolgas?
GUY: Maybe.
VIRGIL: That’s good enough for me. Put on your stompin’ boots, boys.
FLOYD: I only brought deck shoes.
VIRGIL: Figure of speech, Floyd.

The tavern turns around as the rest of the town flies in. TOLGAS enters with a trunk.

TOLGAS: I’m getting out of this jerk-water burg.
GUY: Not so fast!
TOLGAS: Yikes!

TOLGAS runs inside his house. The BOYS follow in hot pursuit. TOLGAS’ house turns around, revealing an owlbear den.

You’ll never take me alive, you meddling kids!
VIRGIL: Fair enough.

A fight ensues, and TOLGAS falls.

TOLGAS: I am slain!
BRIX: Look! Evidence!

BRIX picks up a stack of letters.

They’re from someone named Doogal.

Musical Chord.

GUY: Doogal?

Chord.

BRIX: Yeah. Probably some minor figure we’ll never hear from again.

TOLGAS’ house turns around as the boys walk back out into the street. They meet ABEL, with fresh battle wounds.

ABEL: You boys have fun?
FLOYD: You might say that.
GUY: We solved your owlbear mystery. Look.

GUY shows ABEL the letters.

ABEL: Dugal, huh? He’s an ex-mercenary who once tried to sieze Compassgate.
GUY: So you’re saying this Dugal has a backstory?
ABEL: I’m afraid so.

The boys look at each other – chord. MAGGIE enters with a groggy DRULEY.

MAGGIE: Listen up, boys! Sheriff Druley here’s gonna get credit for this murder investigation, y’hear?
FLOYD: That seems fair. He is a total drunkard and moron, after all.
BRIX: This does not sit well with us.
DRULEY: What do I care? You’re kids, and this will never come back to haunt me!

MAGGIE and DRULEY laugh and exit.

ABEL: Well, time to go back to the Abbey!

The wagon enters. Everyone climbs on and they start riding.
Sings:

Come on boys, it’s time to go –
Gotta get back to the Abbey by dark,
But more adventures lie in store
For this plucky band of boys
On whom the world is poised,
They are sure to make some noise
Far beyond the bounds of Verl’s Crook!

Verl’s Crook out; Abbey in. TERIS is there to greet them.
Spoken:

TERIS: Good to see you, boys! Did you have a nice time?
VIRGIL: We sure did, Abbott Teris.
TERIS: Good, good. Wash up now, it’s almost time for dinner.

Suddenly, two evil-looking fellows show up on horseback. These are FAUST and BARRIS.

FAUST: Abbott Teris. So good of you to invite us for dinner.
TERIS (steely) Faust. What a pleasant surprise. Come on in.

FAUST and BARRIS ride in to the Abbey and exit.

GUY: What was that all about?
TERIS: Nothing, boys. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have… things to prepare for.

TERIS exits. ERIC enters.

ERIC: Hi guys.
FLOYD: Eric! The other boy who lives here with us at the Abbey who is also the same age.
ERIC: That’s me.
VIRGIL: What’s new, Eric?
ERIC: Well, Zarin has disappeared.
VIRGIL: Nice.
ERIC: And Brother Elliott wants to see us as soon as possible.
FLOYD: To the library!

The Abbey turns around, revealing the library. ELLIOTT is in there, reading quietly.

VIRGIL: Hi, Brother Elliott!
ELLIOTT: Boys, it’s good to see you. Remember when I told you, Virgil, that I was going to help you kids explore your magical potential?
VIRGIL: I sure do.
ELLIOTT: Well, touch this ball.

ELLIOTT hands VIRGIL a ball. It glows red.

VIRGIL: Wow!
ELLIOTT: This indicates that you are inclined towards the school of Abjuration.
VIRGIL: Neato!

VIRGIL hands the ball to BRIX. It begins to glow white.

ELLIOTT: Brixmore, you are inclined towards divine magic.
BRIX: Naturally.

BRIX hands the ball to GUY. It glows green.

ELLIOTT: Guy, your talents lie as an enchanter.

GUY hands the ball to FLOYD. It also glows green.

Floyd, you too.
FLOYD: Huh.

FLOYD hands the ball to ERIC. The ball begins to glow black and dark, foreboding music starts to play.

ERIC (timid) What does that mean?
ELLIOTT: Oh my…

Suddenly, the door opens, and FAUST steps in. ERIC stashes the ball. The music stops.

FAUST: What’s going on in here?
VIRGIL: Nothing.
FAUST: What’s your name, lad?
VIRGIL: Uh, Mike?
FAUST: Right. You boys should come to dinner. My tum-tum is hungry.

FAUST exits.

ELLIOTT: You heard the man, boys. Go to the dining room.
GUY: Do we have to?
ELLIOTT: Run along, now.

The BOYS start to exit. BRIX finds a shiny phylactery.

BRIX: Hey, a necklace. Looks like it has candy inside.

BRIX breaks the necklace. Suddenly, ELLIOTT’s eyes light up. As the last of the boys exit, the door slams behind them, and ELLIOTT starts to float above ground.

ELLIOTT:
Sings:
Awakened from the dark
My soul beckons to me
And at last I can answer
And the power courses through me
I recall all the words
That for years I could never
Say or think, let alone
Act upon, it’s as if I had a drink
From some magical cup
I’m alive!
My fingers recall the motions
And my lips recollect the words
For years I’ve been locked in silence,
Never seen, never thought of,
And never heard –
For the last generation
I’ve been trapped in a prison
But now Elliott is free
And he’ll tell anyone who’ll listen
That the next generation
They had better clear a path
Unless some foolish souls
Intend to feel my wrath
I’m alive!
I’m alive!
Goodbye, Morningstar Abbey,
Your walls have been my cell
Right now they’re looking shabby
Perhaps they will spring for a paint job in hell!

ELLIOTT laughs maniacally and disappears in a flash of light and smoke.
The library turns around. We are once more outside the ABBEY. FLOYD, GUY, VIRGIL, BRIX, and ERIC enter.

FLOYD: That was some good ham.
GUY: Is anyone else concerned about what’s going on here?
VIRGIL: Yeah, who is this Faust character, and why does Teris hate him so much?

TERIS enters.

TERIS: Hello, boys.
GUY: Abbott Teris, is there something you want to tell us?
TERIS: Yes, boys. There is a box under my bed that contains some items I would like you to have… when the time comes.
BRIX: When what time comes?
TERIS: Oh, you’ll know. Trust me. See you later.

TERIS exits. ETHAN enters.

ETHAN: Boys.
FLOYD: Dr. Ethan! What’s going on?
ETHAN: Faust brings news from the city. The old Cardinal is dead, and Cardinal Nikolai is his replacement.
GUY: And that’s bad?
ETHAN: Apparently. Abbott Teris has told me I need to leave as quickly as possible.
BRIX: Well, we don’t know how much longer we’ll be here, either.
ETHAN: You’ve been good boys. I know someday we shall all meet again.

ETHAN exits. SAMARID enters.

GUY: Samarid, this Faust character is causing a lot of trouble. Can’t we smash his skull in?
SAMARID: Now, now that’s enough talk about smashing skulls, master Guy. Listen, mysterious things are happening tonight, so whatever happens, don’t remove my choker.
ERIC: What does that have to do with any-
SAMARID: Got to go!

SAMARID exits, as ART enters.

ART: Boys! Come quickly. Abbott Teris needs to see you!

The Abbey turns around. We are now in TERIS’ bedchamber. TERIS lies in bed, near death.

TERIS: Boys… my hour has come. I must tell you things.
GUY: What is it, Abbott Teris?
TERIS: My boys… you are all very special children in more ways than you can know. But know this… you were all born in the year of the ram, which occurs every fifty years, and it is very rare that children are born during this time. You five, and Zarin, are six of only twelve children born in this year. I was lucky enough to find you and protect you… but protect you I can, no longer, except in death. Take this knife, and perform upon me a killing ritual that will forever bind my soul to yours, so that I can offer you what help I can when I can.
BRIX: You want us to kill you?
TERIS: Yes… you must hurry… soon I will be gone, and Brother Art will succeed me as Abbott. Once you complete this ritual, leave the Abbey. Just outside, Abel the Ranger is waiting to take you to safety. Do it now, please!

The BOYS take the knife and plunge it into TERIS’ heart. A strange light fills them, and then is quickly gone as TERIS expires.

ART: Quick now, boys… here’s the box Teris told you about.

ART hands FLOYD the box. FAUST bursts in, wearing a glove with rings.

FAUST: What’s going on in here?
ART: Action hero time!

ART charges FAUST.

Go now, boys!

The set turns around and we are once more outside the Abbey. The BOYS run outside, followed by ART and FAUST fighting. SAMARID enters.

SAMARID: What’s going on?

GUY pulls off SAMARID’s choker.

GUY: Sorry, old friend.

SAMARID flies into a blind rage and runs at FAUST.

FAUST: Holy shit!

ABEL enters in the wagon.

ABEL:

Sings:

Come on boys, it’s time to go,
This Abbey is no place to be –

Spoken:

GUY: Now’s not the time for songs, Abel!
ABEL: Fair enough.

The BOYS pile into the wagon as FAUST, SAMARID, and ART fight.

Let’s go!

The wagon starts to move as the Abbey flies out. Two of FAUST’s lackeys follow on horseback. Exciting chase music.

FLOYD: Lackeys!
ABEL: Quick, use my bow and arrow!

VIRGIL takes the bow and arrow and begins trading shots with the LACKEYS, who are both hit and killed. Suddenly, a KOBOLD with a spear appears in front of them.

BRIX: Kobold with a spear!
FLOYD (to ABEL) Can I drive?
ABEL: Um, no.

VIRGIL fires his arrow into the KOBOLD, who keels over.

ERIC: Where are we going?
ABEL: I’m taking you to an inn called The Warrior’s Rest. We will set our next destinations from there.
GUY: Destinations? Plural?

ABEL pulls the wagon to a stop. The Warrior’s Rest, an inn, flies in.

ABEL: We’re here.

A gnome named GOLDSCHMIDTT comes out.

GOLDSCHMIDTT: Hello, I’m Goldschmidtt. Have you come to kill me?
ERIC: We’re kids.
GOLDSCHMIDTT: Doesn’t mean you can’t try.
ABEL: Not now, Goldschmidtt. I’ve got to break up these kids for the next two years so no one will follow them.
GUY: What do you mean, break us up?
ABEL: You will each apprentice with an adventurer, who will teach you necessary skills for survival. There’s no going back to the Abbey, boys. Welcome to the world. Time to decide what you want to do with your lives.
VIRGIL: You mean this is it? Moment of truth?
ABEL: That’s right.
VIRGIL: Wow… that’s a lot of responsibility. I have no idea how I want to spend the rest of my life.
BRIX: I know what I want to do.

Sings:

Put me on the path to faith,
And teach me to subdue the wraith
Or the vampire lord that haunts the swamp
I can give them a resounding whomp,
And while my friends are damage-dealin’
I am at the ready to provide some healin’
And with sage advice to improve the souls
Of the mightiest kings and the lowliest gnolls.
GUY:
Might makes right I’ve come to learn
So the fighter’s path I have discerned
Is the proper one for me to take
So my enemies might come to quake
At the sight of my axe and the sound of my voice
As it leaves them with no other choice
But to right their wrongs and amend their ways
And to only do good for the rest of their days.
FLOYD:
I’m lazy, ego-driven and vain,
So it’s nat’ral I’d want to entertain,
Sing a song that fills your heart with hope
As I find a saucy maid to grope
Be as well know for my finesse
As I am for my sexual prowess
And someday I will be reknowned
As the most beloved Gnome in town.
ERIC:
It don’t take crystal ball to see
That there’s magical power inside of me
Gotta figure out what it’s all for
How to use it and how to get some more
Gonna give my life over to research
With my trusty familiar on his perch
Gaining power I can’t yet comprehend
And I hope it works out in the end.
VIRGIL:
After hearing you all, I think I know
That my future lies in the art of the bow
Gonna learn to hide and sneak and track
And become a master of the ranged attack
And if I get bored with all that, well
I can always learn to cast a spell
And one more thing, I know, of course,
That I’d very much like to own a horse.

Spoken:

ABEL: Those all sound like excellent career paths, boys. I’ll get you all apprenticed out in no time, and you’ll all meet up again in two years time. Best of luck to you, lads.

Singing:

BOYS: As individuals to preserve our fate
It’s best that we should separate,
There are years ahead and much to know,
And it’s almost time for us to go,
But we know that we will meet again,
In two years we’ll come back to this inn,
We’ve had many adventures, but there will be more
And we just can’t wait to see what’s in store.

Button. Curtain Closes.

END OF ACT II
END OF PART I