Sessions XIX (Compl;eted) and XX (Started): Floyd's Puppet Theatre Interpretation

The Order of the Abbey, Part Four: Dealin’ with Doogal
Act III

DOOVIN’s basement. The body of the PROCLAIMER lays upon a slab in the center. FLOYD enters and addresses the audience.

FLOYD: Previously on “The Order of the Abbey – the Puppet Musical:”

Characters pop in and out of the edge of the proscenium as they say their lines:

BRIX: I’m on the side of the One True God, Virgil.
GOLDSCHMIDDT: Somebody went to the Dagda Bridge and released the Hunt, and I have a theory that it’s after you boys.
DOOVIN: The Harvester is going to have to undergo a one-month preparation in a secret location. Find that location, and you can stop him.
MITCHELL: Fine. Tell your little friend when he wakes up that I will see that he is forever barred from being a bard!
BRIX: Are you trying to tell us that Doogal is also a member of the Year of the Ram?
VIRGIL: Doovin, sometimes I sneak off into the forest so I can jerk off in peace. (breaks character) THAT’S my recap line?
DOOVIN: “Lo, I am Death, destroyer of worlds.” Yep, that’s the Shiva Sword, all right. Has the power to undo creation.
GUY: How did Goldschmiddt get his hands on this kind of magic?
VIRGIL: Who is this?
DOOVIN: This is the earthly body of The Proclaimer.
FLOYD: And now, on with the show!

FLOYD, GUY, VIRGIL, BRIX, CHRIS TENNISON, and DOOVIN re-assemble in the spots they were in when the last part ended.

CHRIS TENNISON: The Proclaimer sleeps in your basement?
DOOVIN: He’s not asleep, Chris Tennison. He’s dead.
CHRIS TENNISON: Oh, okay. For a minute I was worried The Proclaimer was some kind of jobless hippie squatter.
BRIX: I can’t believe the body of the most holy prophet is here.
DOOVIN: Why not? It’s the safest place on the continent.
BRIX: But surely The Church would want –
DOOVIN: The Church?! Brixmore, by now you must know that there are those in the clergy who cannot be trusted with a locker combination, much less the body of The Pro-freaking-claimer.
BRIX: Point taken. But underneath the Grand Cathedral in Larst, is there not a place where holy relics are safeguarded?
DOOVIN: The catacombs? Brother, you don’t even want to know about what kind of crazy shit is down there. Trust me. This is the safest possible place that The Proclaimer could be right now.
BRIX: I don’t doubt that, Doovin… bless your soul for keeping him safe.
DOOVIN: I take a lot of pride in my job, but it does come with a price.
BRIX: What kind of price?
DOOVIN: Well, the body of The Proclaimer isn’t decomposing, and it isn’t going anywhere. Somebody’s got to be here to watch it, so I am both gifted and cursed with immortality, unable to see the afterlife promised to the followers of his teachings.
FLOYD: Ironic.
DOOVIN: Ain’t it, though?
BRIX: I’m sorry to hear that. Perhaps one day, you can be relieved of your duty, so that you might bask in the glow of the One True God in the great beyond.
DOOVIN: Are you… threatening me?
BRIX: What? No!
DOOVIN: Okay, ‘cause it sounded like -
BRIX: No.
DOOVIN: Fair enough.
GUY: Sorry to interrupt –
FLOYD: No, you’re not.
GUY: But weren’t you saying something upstairs about how we should be taking care of Doogal?
DOOVIN: Indeed. I’ve heard that in two weeks, Doogal will take his forces and his followers and march on Compassgate, with the intention to overthrow the local government.
GUY: Would that work?
DOOVIN: Well, he’s got a stranglehold on most of the crops and the horses –
VIRGIL: Grrrrr!

VIRGIL shakes his fist.

DOOVIN: - so my estimation is that he’ll be hailed as a hero when he marches in there.
BRIX: So we need to get there ahead of time to warn the local law enforcement.
FLOYD: That won’t do us any good.
BRIX: Why not?
FLOYD: The local law enforcement in Compassgate is the newly-appointed Marshall Drooley.
GUY: What?
VIRGIL: Are you fucking kidding me?
FLOYD: Granted, this information came from Mitchell, so it very well could be a lie. In fact, it probably is.
GUY: Regardless, we need to get to Compassgate but fast.
DOOVIN: First, you should go check on your friend Malus. You may not like what you find there.
BRIX: Uh-oh. Didn’t we send a messenger to Malus’ farm?
VIRGIL: We sure did.
CHRIS TENNISON: We’d better hurry!
FLOYD: I’m on it!
Sings:
Say you’ve got to get somewhere,
And you need to get there fast,
You’re a tortoise in a race,
And you can’t afford to come in last…

Light isolates FLOYD.

Put on your hat!Grab up your gear
We’re gonna take a ride
Through the power of song
There’s no going wrong
Just sail out on the tide
When you tend to take things in the literal sense
You have to round every corner and jump every fence
But traveling through song is what gives you license
To head from A to B
Without passing every tree!

DOOVIN joins FLOYD in the spotlight.

DOOVIN: Oh,
The journey can take so long!
FLOYD & DOOVIN: But a journey becomes a jaunt
When lovingly expressed in vibrant song!

So…
Put on your hat.
Wipe off that frown,
And join us in our dance
Through the power of song
There’s no going wrong
If you just give it a chance!
Stop taking things in a literal sense
And the Fiftynames Express will finally commence

FLOYD waits, but no one sings with him. Spoken:

Um… guys, this is the part where you sing with me.
DOOVIN: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.

Lights return to normal. The others are gone.

They left when you started singing.

FLOYD: Son of a bitch.
Sings:
Let’s proceed with alarm
As we head to Malus’ farm!

Button. DOOVIN exits as his basement flies out, and MALUS’ farm flies in. The entire farm is in disrepair, as though no one has been here for several weeks. The skeleton of the MESSENGER is pinned to the side of the barn with an axe through the ribs. Spoken:

FLOYD: Well, I’m glad I got here early.

BRIX, GUY, VIRGIL, and CHRIS TENNISON enter.

BRIX: Goon!
CHRIS TENNISON: Note to self – never give Malus bad news.
GUY: Floyd – any sign of Malus?
FLOYD: Other than the axe and the corpse? Nope.
BRIX: Oh, boy. You think Nikolai has called him into service?
VIRGIL: I’d bet money on it.
GUY: We need to get to Compassgate.
FLOYD: Can we travel by song this time?
VIRGIL: Why don’t we just take these flying white horses Doovin lent us?
FLOYD: Flying white what?
CHRIS TENNISON: Yeah, Doovin gave them to us while you were singing.
GUY: We’d have told you about them, but we didn’t want to.
FLOYD: Beans.
GUY: Anyway, hop on. They’re going to take us as far south as the Morningstar Abbey.

Four flying white HORSES enter.

HORSE #1: (neighing) All abo-ho-hoard!

The boys hop on the horses and fly away.

A-STAGE closes. B-STAGE opens to reveal the Morningstar Abbey. ART is outside, checking a truck of wine. The party enters, landing their horses nearby.

HORSE #1: Well, this is as far as we go. See you around!

The HORSES fly away.

ART: You boys do know how to make an entrance.
VIRGIL: Art! How’s it hanging?
ART: Not bad. I’m the Abbott now.
GUY: Good for you!
ART: Yeah, Larst saw fit to go over Nikolai’s head on that one. Nikolai had no objections, probably on account of me seeing that summoning circle in his chamber. A little leverage never hurts. Regardless, I’d still like to see Nikolai bounced from his seat altogether.
GUY: Wouldn’t we all.
VIRGIL: Art, as it turns out, we’re doing a little Year of the Ram research. What do you know about this past generation?
ART: Well, there were supposed to be twelve of you, and Teris found eight. You four, Eric, and Zarin, and two others who were kidnapped from here when you all were very young.
BRIX: Children kidnapped from here?
ART: Mm-hmm. You’re too young to remember, but their names were Delphin and Graxx. Delphin was Eric’s twin, and Graxx was yours, Brixmore.
BRIX: I have a twin?
ART: You all do. Virgil, Zarin is yours, and Guy and Floyd, you two can probably figure out. Delphin and Eric are particularly notable because they are the progeny of another born in the year of the Ram two hundred years prior, a fella named Harves Raeth.
VIRGIL: I wonder if that’s who Doovin was talking about – he mentioned another generation of the Year of the Ram that we wouldn’t want to get mixed up with.
ART: I should say not. Harves Raeth has not led a reputable existence, to put it kindly.
GUY: What of the children Teris didn’t’ find?
ART: All I know about them is that one was a set of Halfling twins, and the other two were elves.
VIRGIL: And of those four, one of them is Doogal.
FLOYD: Or Doogal could be an alias for Delphin or Graxx.
BRIX: Nikolai also mentioned that he already had a child from the Year of the Ram at his disposal. If that were Delphin or Graxx –
GUY: Or one of the others –
BRIX: We should definitely try to find out.
GUY: Right. Thank you Art, this is very helpful.
ART: My pleasure. Hope that doesn’t complicate things too much.
FLOYD: Oh, we’re way past that.

From one of the upper floors, a window opens, and a teenage human girl sticks her head out and shouts:

GIRL: At the moment of the Harvest, the stars will begin to fall!

She retreats. The boys look at ART.

CHRIS TENNISON: Care to explain that one?
ART: That’s one of our current wards. She has the gift of prophecy.
FLOYD: “At the moment of the Harvest, the stars will begin to fall.”
GUY: Could be a clue to The Harvester’s location. Has she given any other prophecies?
ART: A couple. “The one who walks in darkness gathers his council among him and goes there unto Larst.” That one was spoken to me. Another monk here heard her say, “And those who grew up as brothers and maintained brothers among them true of necessity shall walk the path of darkness, yet only three shall exit on the other side.”
VIRGIL: That last one sounds like it could be directed towards us.
BRIX: We can’t discount the first one, either. Looks like we need to add Larst to our travel itinerary.
VIRGIL: The last makes it sound like at least one of us is going to die before this is all said and done.
GUY: If you choose to believe it.
CHRIS TENNISON: It is a prophecy.
GUY: Well, I’m sick of prophecies! I’m of the mind to make my own destiny from here on out. No more of telling us what we are destined to accomplish - what say Brix, Floyd, Virgil, Chris Tennison, and Guy make their own agenda and follow through, huh?
FLOYD: Sounds good to me!
VIRGIL: I’m with you, too.
BRIX: And me, too, Guy.
CHRIS TENNISON: (Smiles) I’m getting too old for this shit. Aw, what the hell, I’m in!
GUY: Now what say we all head for Compassgate and confront Doogal once and for all!
VIRGIL, FLOYD, BRIX, CHRIS TENNISON: Yeah!
GUY: C’mon, then! What are we waiting for?

Bells.

ART: Oops, time for supper. Corned beef and cabbage tonight.
FLOYD: That sounds good.
BRIX: It sure does.
VIRGIL: I can’t remember the last time I had corned beef.
GUY: Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt to wait until tomorrow to confront Doogal once and for all.

Exeunt into the Abbey. Curtain closes.

END OF ACT III.