Floyd's Will

The Last Will and Testament of Floyd Fiftynames


I, Floyd Fiftynames, being of sound mind and impressive body, do hereby issue forth the following last WILL AND TESTAMENT, the purpose of which is to delineate passage of my worldly goods at the time of my death as defined herein:

DEFINITION OF DEATH

The Death of Floyd Fiftynames, Liscenced Bard constitutes a permanent seperation of body and soul, for which empirical evidence can be supplied by performing the following tests:

- a small bit of fire has been placed under, but not applied to Floyd Fiftynames’ testicles
- the body of Floyd Fiftynames has been placed upon a stage before an audience eager to be entertained
- an attempt at resurrection or reincarnation has been made with the soul unwilling to return to the body
- the soul makes said choice based on a satisfaction with its new existence, and is not bound by any force, magical, supernatural, or otherwise
- no maiden of any worthwhile consience or upbringing would be willing to submit to union with the body of Floyd Fiftynames; an inquiry of at least three maidens shall suffice.
- Having been subjected to a “Speak with Dead” spell (no grave crawlers, please. Ew.), the body of Floyd Fiftynames confirms that it has no unfinished business to attend to in contrast to the wishes of his cheeky, fly-by-night soul
- Sufficient proof has been obtained that indicates the boyd of Floyd Fiftynames is operating under a state of undeath, vampiric or otherwise

Once the preceding tests have been run, and it may be determined that Floyd Fiftynames has entered a state of peaceful passing, an affadavit may be signed by his closest living relative OR by the First Gnome of the Fifty Gnomes. At this point, the body of Floyd Fiftynames shall lie in state for a three days in the meeting hall of the Fifty Gnomes. Following this period, his corpse shall be interred to ash, and his remains scattered over the grounds of the Morningstar Abbey (no skeleton or zombie for Floyd Fiftynames, please).


DISTRIBUTION OF ESTATE

The following constitutes a list and representation of Floyd Fiftynames’ worldly posessions:

1 Hat of Gnomish Legacy
1 Rapier of the 50th Gnome

1 Pair, Boots of the Jester

1 Pair, Gloves of the Nimble Thief

1 Belt of Coin Pouches

1 Hat Band of Floyd Fiftynames

1 Backpack of Exceptional Usefulness

1 High Elves’ Bane Dagger

1 Ring of Wizardry Type I

1 Cloak of Charisma

1 Box, previous property of Abbott Teris

1 Set of Masterwork Thieves’ Tools

1 Original Songbook

1 Magic Wooden Bird

1 Mask of the Metal Man

1 Hand of the Mage

1 Lute*

1 Pipe*

1 Horn of Fog


In addition, Floyd Fiftynames is bound to have a selection of wealth collected in coins and precious stones, as well as a smattering of potions, salves, unguents, oils, scrolls, and other possessions of limited-use magical property.

Upon the occasion of Floyd Fiftynames’ passing, all of Floyd Fiftynames’ goods fall into the temporary provenance of the remaining members of the Order of the Abbey – Guy Furyaxe (‘nee Fiftynames), Brixmore and Virgil Deathbow, until the circumstances of their retirement, disinterest, or passing may be realized. At such time, the following itmes shall find their way to the following institutions:

- To the Morningstar Abbey, I leave the box of Abbott Teris – a non-magical artifact whose final place should be the home of it’s original owner, as well as the Horn of Fog to protect its denziens with obfuscation during times of trouble.
- To the League of Bards and Skalds (a sub-branch of the Adventurer’s Guild), I leave the following items to be given as gifts of prestige to other worthy bards – the Ring of Wizardry, the Magic Bird, and my musical instruments. In addition, I bequeath the Mask of the Metal Man as an ornament to adorn your wall and as an evidence of my work during my training to achieve the rank of Liscenced Bard.
- To the monastary established by my loyal friend Brixmore, I leave the Hatband of Floyd Fiftynames that he created for me, that it be used as a testament to his skill and a useful tool in your fundraising efforts.
- To the Armory of the Freelands, I leave my rapier and the High Elves’ Bane dagger, that they may serve one who fights for your cause.
- To the Fifty Gnomes, I leave the bulk of my estate. I have invested a tremendous amount of faith, passion, and labor into the creation and maintainence of this organization and I am pleased to bequeath the following items with the understood provisions:

To the general good of the organization I leave the sum total of my wealth in coin, gems, and limited-use magical items, after a thirty percent inheritance tax is paid to the Freelands’ treasury. In addition, my original songbook, which shall be displayed with prominence within the halls of the organization, shall provide some modicum of perpetual income: the performance and distribution rights of every song may be sold at a price to be determined by the Fifty Gnomes.

As items of general use, I leave the Hand of the Mage, my thieves’ tools, my backpack, my belt, and my gloves. These items may be distributed as the First Gnome sees fit upon Gnomes of Distinction or higher within the organization.

To the office of the Second Gnome, I leave the Boots of the Jester.

To the office of the First Gnome I leave the Hat of Gnomish Legacy and the Cloak of Charisma.

These items described above are items of prestige, mantles of one’s office and position within the organization. When a Fifty Gnome leaves his office or organization, these items are to be remaindered to the organization for redistribution.

- Finally, to the Executive Council of the Freelands, I leave my mundane items (clothes, equipment, etc.), as well as the performance rights for the Order of the Abbey Puppet Musical in trust for the eventual establishment of a museum in Dreia dedicated to the adventures of myself and the rest of the Order of the Abbey.


PROVISIONS FOR PENALTY

If the provisions of my will are not carried out, I hereby decree the following objective to the order of the Fifty Gnomes, in part or in whole, that the violators be hunted down, branded as “Hatless” upon the temple, stripped of their rights within this will if they have any, and their goods remaindered to the Executive Council’s museum trust, or if the orgnaization remains in good standing, to the organization to which the item now rightfully belongs.

So Signed and Declared,
FLOYD FIFTYNAMES, Liscenced Bard

So Witnesseth,
CARDINAL BENEDICT